So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
