What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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