Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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