hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
