Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
NoShamevember. You game?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
