Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
