party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
