Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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