im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
