i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
