I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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