we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
