I wannas sexs uuuuu
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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