Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
