I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
