he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
