that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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