i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
PANTIES FOUND
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
