Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
