i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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