My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
