now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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