I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
