..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
