I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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