My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you never un-have a 4some
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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