the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
