You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
