At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
