I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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