our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
