my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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