You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
