last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
