the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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