I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
