I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
