From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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