We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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