I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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