he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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