I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize