I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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