she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize