It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
