Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
