youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
