I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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