We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
