The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I have post one night stand depression
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
