there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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