party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
