I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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