i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
