haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
