I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
