So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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