you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
