Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
