Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
