I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
