I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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