these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
