she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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