Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
