I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
