Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
