I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
