Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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