Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im holly from the hills drunk
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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