You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
