are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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