whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
