and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She needs sedatives and a leash
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
